I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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