just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
