my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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