I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize