covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
