Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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