just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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