I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize