She is in my trunk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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