He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
