ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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