I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
