Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
