I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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