I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
