Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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