I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
