***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
