My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
