He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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