where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
