Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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