dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize