KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
