if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
