i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
