I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
