I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
