hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
