i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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