this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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