do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
