Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
