i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
birth control should be required to get into college
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
