Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
