Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
