somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
