If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
