Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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