I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
