Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
50% drunk capacity currently
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
