new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
