you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize