C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
