Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
