i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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