12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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