If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
