were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize