somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
