So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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