i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
