Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
