Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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