I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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