I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
