I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
