I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
