im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
