I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
