afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
