My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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