are you still at the devil's house?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
