When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
