I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
