"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
