Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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