We're facebook friends in real life
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
