Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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