"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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