I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
