i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
