Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
