we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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