This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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