She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
