If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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