I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
