Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
