You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
