I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
