apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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