is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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