Redeem this text for a blowjob
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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