Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
