everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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