the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
