I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
