Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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