I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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