I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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