My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
