no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
