i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
