we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
