u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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