then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
