There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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